Christmas is coming...

I've been home for the weekend for a family party and it was so good walk into the toasty living room and see the decorations up.
I'm going back to Salford for the next four or five days and then I break up for Christmas for three whole weeks!

Three weeks which will be packed full of revising, reading, writing and band practices among other fun activities. Yay!

I'm also planning on setting some resolutions this year and actually making a massive effort to stick to them too.

This was just a quick update. Hope you are all well. Have a good week!

Love and Buttons,
Rai.
xx

Creative Writing 1

This is the autobiographical piece I submitted for my course. Hope you like it.

Where is home?


Thursday 5th November 2009

It’s dark tonight, and winter-cold. I stick my nose out of the tiny opening my bedroom window will allow and suck in the fresh air. I am twelve floors up and can see most of Salford from my window. This has been my residence for just over a year and still I don’t see it as home and I don’t think I ever will. There is a smoky scent, bonfires and fireworks, hanging in the air and suddenly I am transported back home, my backgarden to be precise, my gloved hand holding a sparkler whilst my free hand clutches a toffee apple, sticky and rather pointless but its tradition. I usually discard the apple once I have broken through the crystalised toffee layer; I always have since being a child, who wants an apple on a stick?

It’s the little things like this that make me think of home and how much I miss it. To anyone it might seem like a simple matter of hopping on a dingy train and heading back to Blackpool to visit my home and my loving parentals, and ok, I guess it could be that easy if it wasn’t for one little difference. Well, two actually, my niece and nephew. They now live with us permanently due to my brother not making the best choices in life and the choices he has made will affect all of us for a very long time.

The last time I remember feeling the warm fuzziness of contentment inside was Christmas 2008. I was studying Performing Arts at Salford University and despising it. I had been counting the days until Christmas vacation and remember the sense of relief and anticipation as I climbed out of my friend’s car, lugging my dirty laundry through the front door. I was greeted by the scent of festive spices, warmth, Christmas decorations and my mum; arms outstretched waiting to envelop me in a hug. I dissolved into her and didn’t feel sad anymore. I was home.
I curled up on the sofa whilst mum cooked dinner in the kitchen, the first time I had eaten decent food in months, and the first time I had watched television too! TV licences are far too expensive, but I do miss getting dressed to GMTV in the morning. I was late for most of my classes last year because Jeremy Kyle was sometimes too sickening to turn off.

After dinner I soaked in the bathtub, reading a good book, and didn’t emerge until I was suitably wrinkled. As a child I wandered through that awkward phase where you would rather do anything than wash. I didn’t want to brush my teeth, I didn’t want to have a bath and I didn’t want to wash my hair. I still don’t understand why kids go through that, it’s pretty vile. When you have spent time living in Bramall Court, with a shower that switches between ice cold and literally scalding every sixty seconds, it is bliss to come home and soak in the tub. Bubbles galore. Later I climbed into the huge, bouncy bed in the spare room and snuggled up, full of warm fuzzies. The spare room was my bedroom now as Jess (the niece) was living in mine; I didn’t mind that, it’s all pink and girly for her.

Christmas was gorgeous. It always is. Nanny Pearl came to visit, which is extraordinarily rare as she NEVER leaves the home and doesn’t really get dressed either. My dad says Nanny Pearl has been ill ever since he was born yet I think she will last forever. She has outlived three husbands and even attempted an overdose. In the hospital she slowly opened her eyes, looked around and murmured, ‘Oh god. I’m still here.’ She is definitely a character. I just know she would survive a zombie infestation, an alien invasion and the apocalypse, I am sure of it. She has hearing aids that whistle constantly and she never hears a word anyone says, but when you end up shouting because you have repeated the last sentence seven times she chastises you for being rude and shouting at her. I must admit, she was very well behaved on Christmas day as she can sometimes be a little bit of a terror. She even managed to remain polite when Jess and Stuart (the nephew) knocked a cup of tea onto her lap which was followed by Mum tipping a glass of orange juice all over her at the dinner table, by accident of course. It was the warmest, fuzziest three weeks and I’m scared I won’t feel that again.

The four months Summer Holiday break turned out to be a nightmare. Stuart moved in after Easter last year and now, with two young children to suddenly look after and mum being made redundant things have become so much more difficult. There is a tension in the air at home, the misery is tangible and hangs in the air over our heads. An argument is always lurking around the corner, no one means to do it, it’s just difficult to avoid. For me, the worst thing is that it doesn’t feel like my house anymore, I don’t feel comfortable because of the stress and sadness. I don’t have a bedroom. My parents can’t go out for dinner together whenever they want, they can’t go on holiday with their friends (who have now stopped coming round to visit) and my mum can’t afford to treat herself, ever. I know it isn’t the children’s fault but I start to get angry and I am unsure how to deal with it at the moment. Will Christmas be the same this year? Mum has said I can have the spare room again for the three weeks I’m home which is lovely, but will she be happy? Will anyone be happy? All I can do for now is hope and try and stay positive.
 

Blaaaaah.... It's just one of those days..

It's strange how you can have days when you feel positive about everything, nothing can bring you down. Then you have those other days where you feel as though you are carrying the whole work, your knees are shaking and you start to panic, you need to drop it.

You suddenly feel as though you have so much work to do and it's never going to get done.
You miss everyone.
I miss my girlies back home. I hate the fact that I am at uni and should be having the time of my life but really they are probably having a much better time. Boyfriends, friends, work...all gets in the way.

I want to look forward to going home at Christmas, but it seems hard.

Last year I remember how much I wanted to get home, I climbed out of the car, it was dark and cold. I lugged all my laundry into the front room and hugged my mum. The house smelled like Christmas, spicy and warm. Sweet. Tea was cooking on the stove and I couldn't have been happier to be back at home. I had a room to snuggle into, I felt happy.
This year will be different. But I hope not too much. I miss everything. Things keep getting harder. We deserve a break.
I can't even bring myself to write about this in detail because I just get far too angry.

So instead, I am going to tidy up, buy a diet coke and start my essay.
Oh, and have a glorious shower with Lush.

Love.
xx

So Here I Am Again...

Wow! , originally uploaded by Rai CupcakeFace.

Back at the delightful Salford Uni and praying to Freddie that this is a better year than last.

Anyone who knows me will know how much I hated everything last year but now I am back, new bedroom (which is totally gorgeous) and a new course!

English and Creative Writing. Now I don't want to count my chickens of course but so far I already feel so much better on this course that last year and I think...I hope it might turn out ok.

When I moved into my study bedroom there was a parcel waiting!! How fab is that! There was nothing like that last year so that instantly put me into a good mood.

Tonight is my birthday party!!!! Yay!!
There will no doubt be photo's tomorrow!

Much love and Cupcakes
xoxo

Meet Jeff

Jeff in the Car, originally uploaded by Rai CupcakeFace.

Meet Jeff.
He is my new special friend.

Kitty Pinkstars sent him to me. Totally hand made from socks.
He arrived yesterday wrapped in blue and pink tissue paper all tied up with a pretty pink ribbon.
As soon as I unwrapped him I fell in love and I knew he was going to be very special to me.

Last night I took Jeff to his first ever gig. Pink Hearse were playing and he sat on the drums for the entire gig. Everyone loved him and he had his photo taken with almost everyone in the club.

I am sure you will all be seeing much more of Jeff so I hope you all love him as much as I do.

Goodnight.
xoxo

Pink Parcel !!

Pink Lisa Mail !! , originally uploaded by Rai CupcakeFace.

Lisa Mail !!

I guess I havn't had the best Summer ever but I've been surviving.
I was totes excited to get a text off Lisa Clark, one of my most favourite authors and total idol girl, saying she was sending me a parcel!

It turned up after one of the worst weeks ever and put the biggest smile on my face. Some people are so amazingly nice and selfless that it restores my faith in the world.

I just need to try and think of a way to thank her.
I think I need to do more than a simple 'Thank You' text message.
This is huge.

I'm going to go and play with my pink treats!
Thank you Lisa!
Love always!

Rai
xoxo

Creative Coffee !

I found this amazing tumbler in Starbucks!

I needed a good tumbler to carry with me so I can drink my Green Tea on the go
and this one is perfect. The insert inside the tumbler can be turned into a collage
made by me featuring any themes I want! Eeeek!

I get to be creative and design my perfect tumbler! How exciting!

I shall post another blog when I have finished decorating my tumbler!

Thank you Starbucks!

xoxo

Get a FREE bow worth £10 from Panda Loves Kitsch!

I've recently discovered the most adorable little shop on Myspace.

Panda Loves Kitsch Clothing!

Panda Loves Kitsch is an awesome Clothing company that aims to give you something different and unique.

Everything they sell is Limited edition!

That means that you will never, EVER walk down the street and see ten other people in the same outfit!

Panda Loves Kitsch make every one of their items themselves, all totally hand made.
Apart from the t-shirts that they are soon to be getting but they'll still be designed by Panda and made to their high standards.

Panda Loves Kitch wouldn't sell you anything that they wouldn't buy themselves.
Quality is key!

The best thing about Panda Loves Kitsch is that they really want to make every customer feel special, every item is made to order specially for you and packed with care, along with a thank you letter and a few flyers.

Repeat customers get discounts off future orders and they even offer silly things like free gift wrapping at Christmas. After all it's the little things in life that make it worth living for!

So sit back, Relax and Go shop your heart out where ever you are cos we ship worldwide! Spend a lot and they might even throw you in some free stuff!

Panda Loves Kitsch www.pandaloveskitsch.bigcartel.com

Being such a lover of Panda Loves Kitsch I have a free secret code and I want to share that with all of you so you can see how amazing they are!

When you place your order if you type in this code you will automatically recieve a FREE bow worth £10 !! Ten entire pounds!

The secret code is:
IHeartKitsch032

Just type that in when you order!

What is it that you are waiting for?
Head over there right this second!!

Love and Panda's
Rai CupcakeFace
xoxo

Ok... so I had to end my silence sometime...

Long Live the King

of Pop

Ok.

This is strange. I have no words. I am literally speechless.

I have a home movie of my 3rd Christmas where I was given a heart-shaped Michael Jackson pillow and numerous postcards of him which I collected. My 3rd birthday movie has 'Bad' playing on record all through my party and I attempt a moonwalk which of course was just me walking backwards. Throughout the years I collected the dolls, the music, the movies and have loved and supported Michael Jackson through everything, a true fan to the end. I was devasted when I couldn't afford a ticket for his comeback tour and all my friends could... but that was nothing to sadness I would feel when I descovered he had died.

I remember when Princess Diana died and the world was in shock and mourning. I wrote a speech about her in my english class and had to read it in assembly whilst Elton John's 'Candle in the Wind' played in the background, everyone cried.
Diana was a beautiful person in everyway possible and it was deeply saddening but at the age of 11 I could not understand why everyone was so devasted to the point of tears and such grief.

Now I understand.
I have never met the legend that is MJ. I have never had the privilege to witness the King of Pop in concert. I don't have an enourmous collection of memorabilia like my friend does... but I still feel as though something is missing. I feel empty, I can't seem to accept the truth, it's like someone I know has died. I think Michael Jackson has touched so many people to the point where we do feel as though we know him, we feel a deep loss.

I really don't have anything more to say. I know this is not very good English or particularly well written but... I just can't think about it all right now. I wanted to post a blog as soon as I heard but I've been putting it off... I don't have the words to say anything worthy.

We love you forever Michael.
Gone, but never, ever forgotten.

Sad cupcakes...
Rai CupcakeFace

xoxo

Murder Most Fab

Murder Most Fab
By Julian Clary

I buy books far faster than I can ever read them and I read A LOT.

Whenever I have a few spare pennies lying around, which believe me is not often, my mind instantly wanders to which book I should buy next. One sunny day, whilst perusing the book isle in my local Asda, a certain book practically threw itself off the shelf and into my hands, ok so maybe I am exaggerating a teeny, tiny smidge but you get the point. After eyeing up the super bright and gorgeously camp front cover of 'Murder Most Fab' I had no choice but to march straight to the till and hand over my cash. I was equally curious to discover just what the delightful Julian Clary was like as an author and I have to say I was not at all disappointed.

'Murder Most Fab' is the dark comedic story of Johnny Debonair, a country boy from Kent who finds himself in the big, bad world that is London. It documents how he climbed his way to the top and became known as 'Mr. Friday Night', a huge TV star and then, of course, how his shaded past catches up with him and drags him back down to nothing.

Glamour, sex and murder - it is a compelling read. Julian Clary is an amazing writer and I couldn't help but be impressed. People have said the story is maybe a little over-the-top and outrageous but when you read the story you can understand and believe how easy it could be to do what Johnny does, what some people will do for fame... and love.

The title obviously lets us in on the fact that there is a murder in the story and I did feel like I was waiting for it to happen for the first half of the book. Every new character that appeared trigged my thoughts again as to who it would be that has this fate awaiting them. However, I still shocked by the murders and the how's and why's behind them. Not what I was expecting at all and I must say that I truly adored every second of this book. It's difficult not to fall in love with Johnny and empathise with his struggles. Anyone who has experienced performing arts will also recognise many of the characters in this book, the people never change.

Like any good book 'Murder Most Fab' had me laughing out loud, feeling a little sad and tearful, excited and desperate for more by the last page, I had to know what happened next. But that shall never happen.

Within a few short days the book was finished and now I want to rave about it and let everyone else know how amazing it was. Head out and buy it right now!

Love Always

Rai CupcakeFace

xoxo

Life isn't all sunshine and rainbows...

...as Josie once said.

When I blog I feel like I should keep things light and fluffy. No one wants to read a gloomy, doomy blog do they? But I guess some days that is all you know and you still need to get it off your chest... so I am sorry in advance.

For the past year I have hated university. I didn't particularly like the course, or the people for that matter and the city? Well... if anyone can try and tell why, oh why, I actually decided to ONLY apply for Salford I would be most grateful. So I guess I have been a little miserable and I always looked forward to coming home.

So now I am home and things seem worse. My neice and nephew live with us full time which of course means that I sleep on the sofa and that is where I shall stay until mid-september. My parents are stressed and penniless. They argue, which is something I am not used to. I had a great family life when I was young. To see my Mum so upset and broken the way she is absolutely kills me.

I can feel myself slipping. I've had depression before and I'm worried about how I am feeling. I always say I want to be fixed but I have no idea how to do it.

Last year in april I weighed the heaviest in my life so far. I think I had just accepted the way I was and although I was not really happy with myself I had built a fake confidence wall around myself and tried to act happy and carefree. I look back on some of the pictures I took of myself, I wore my fake eyelashes and my hair extensions, and I like the way I looked. Of course, this was mainly on pictures I had taken myself from a well chosen angle.
During this month I attended a party where I proceeded to drink four and half bottles of wine to myself, my friend Gazz said it was cheaper for a bottle than a glass and I didn't complain as I sank glass after glass. The 'Time Warp' came on which made me want a little dance, without having to stand up I just sat down and chair boogied. That night I also slipped off my stillettos and landed on the wet dancefloor as Gazz tried to whirl me around to 'Footloose' and damaged my ankle rather spectacularly. To my horror, four people were each capturing this car crash on their mobile phones and it wasn't until I saw it the next day I knew something needed to be done.

I joined a slimming group called 'Lighter Life' which promised to be different from every other weightloss group around and I tell you, it was. £66 a week and not a crumb of food enabled me to lose five and a half stone in three months. It was hard work but I was over the moon with the weightloss. When I started to introduce food back into my diet my hair began to fall out, in handfuls. I had to carry a plastic carrier bag around the house and pick up my clumps of hair. My nails were brittle, my skin was dry and I began to experience pains in my chest which was rather terrifying. It was awful.

Like I said, I was over the moon with the weight I had lost and for the first time in a very long time I was happy with the way I looked on pictures that other people had taken. The strange thing was the confidence I lost with my weight. I guess I'm not too good with change and maybe it was this sudden loss of weight that brought down my wall and my fake confidence. No sooner than I had lost the weight did it begin to creep back on again. I tried to keep healthy whilst I was at uni but it just felt like the weight was determined to come back no matter what. I havn't put all of it back on but a fair amount of it. Another sudden change and my confidence has dropped further and now I don't know how to bring it back. I want to be like I used to be... but I just feel lost. I would never dare look at anyone in a flirty way anymore because I feel so insecure, I can't beleive that anyone would be interested in me right now.

I know how silly it is to think in this way and all that kind of stuff, but it is not so easy to just start being happy and positive and I think I need some help getting back to normal.

I've ran out of steam for now...
Sorry for the gloom.

Love and cake
Rai CupcakeFace
xoxo

Rowntree's Randoms Story...

I recently discovered the jelly-shaped fun that is Rowntree's Randoms.

The adverts are hilarious and so I bought a packet today to cheer myself up and decided to make up my own story based on the randoms I find.

It was Monday and the yellow face in the sun was drinking from his old school beer mug. He casually dipped his fingers into the blue sea below testing the temperature of the water, it was warm enough to fill up his jelly teapot. An orange boat floated by calmly as the red footed men played table tennis whilst chewing on red sweeties. The yellow face in the sun smiled to himself as he saw the monkey licking on his ice cream whilst balancing on his orange bicycle. He was proud of his earth.

Not as funny as the adverts but it amused me.

Have a Sunny day
Even if it's raining.

Love and cakes.
Rai CupcakeFace
xoxo

Because I heart books mostest...

I adore watching movies, I adore chocolate and cakes but nothing can beat the feeling of becoming fully submerged in an amazing book. That is why I decided to fill in this booky quiz which I stole of the fabulous Miss Lisa Clark of course... here we go...

1. What author do you own the most books by?
I buy books so much faster than I can read them and although I have many books, the two authors to dominate my reading lists are Lisa Clark and Sarra Manning.

2. What book do you own the most copies of?
At the moment I don't have duplicates of any of my reads. But over the past year or so I have bought 4 copies of Think Pink by Lisa Clark.

3. Did it bother you that both those questions ended with prepositions?
Well I actually just googled 'prepositions' to find out what it meant and... it still doesn't make too much sense to me. Oh well...

4. What fictional character are you secretly in love with?
I don't want to be cliche and say Edward from Twilight (although it is totes true) so instead I may go for Hunter in Cate Tiernan's Wicca series - crisp, english accent, powerful witch and Morgan's soul mate *swoon* - and Dylan from Sarra Manning's Diary of a Crush. Sarra Manning has this great way of breaking my heart with every book she writes, she somehow forces me to fall in love with these toxic boy characters she creates and then... ugh!!

5. What book have you read the most times in your life?
This is a tough one, I can't seem to remember. Off the top of my head I would say the Wicca series by Cate Tiernan but I am stuck, there are two books I just cannot find so I can't complete the series!!!!
Oh, and The Life and Loves of a She-Devil by Fey Weldon!

6. Favorite book as a ten year old?
I remember having an amazing yet slightly bizarre primary school teacher who used to gather us on the mats for story time and read Jill Murphy's Worst Witch books to us. She carried a black cat hand puppet in a satchel and she would make it peer over the books as she read. I love the Worst Witch books.

7. What is the worst book you’ve read in the past year?
I went into Waterstone's recently and there was a certain author selling her books and signing them... she pounced on my parentals and I and practically forced us to buy her book. She signed it for me but to be honest, it doesn't look at all appealing, even the front cover. It's meant to be a kids book too!! So technically I guess I havn't actually read a bad book...

8. What is the best book you’ve read in the past year?
Gotta admit that I am storming through the Twilight saga at the moment. I adore it.
Party Monster by James St. James was also amazing. I was shocked by how much I loved his writing style.

9. If you could force everyone you know to read one book, what would it be?
Think Pink by Lisa Clark and The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time by Mark Haddon. Two amazing books.

10. What book would you most like to see made into a movie?
Wow... the Wicca series, Guitar Girl by Sarra Manning, Curious Incident by Mark Haddon, my own story that I am writing at the moment.

11. What is the most difficult book you’ve ever read?

12. What is your favorite book?
At this very moment I am not at all sure I can choose one. I just adore my book collection and frequently pick different books to read depending on my mood.

13. Play?
hmm... Closer by Patrick Marber. I love Joe Orton's stuff (including his diaries). Having studied Performing Arts for years it is truly shocking that I can't think of any others... I think I am doing the right thing swapping courses.

14. Poem?
My plan is to start reading a hell of a lot more poetry. But someone once told me that my poetry reminded them of Carol Ann Duffy which made me happy.

15. Essay?
essay??

16. Who is the most overrated writer alive today?
Um... I don't know.

17. What is your desert island book?
I would have to pick quite a few books to take with me. And some materials so that I could write my own stuff too.

18. And . . . what are you reading right now?
At the moment I am three quaters of the way through Eclipse, the third Twilight book and I have Breaking Dawn ready and waiting. I am also about to re-read Think Pink because I need to find myself again and be happy. And I need to start reading more poetry.

I also have three audiobooks on my iPod ready to be heard... do they count??

Well, that was fun.

Love and Peas.
CupcakeFace
xoxo

Sugar Paper Zine and Crafty Stuffs

Sugar Paper Zine , originally uploaded by Rai CupcakeFace.

I received all three issues of Sugar Paper Zine today.
Super excited.
I adore getting mail!

So as I need to re-discover my creative Me again I have decided to at least attempt every single 'thing to make and do' in each zine and photograph and blog about each activity.

Exciting?
I think so.
eeek!

I also have the last night of my show tonight.
DJ Faustus has been an amazing play and I am very honoured to have been chosen to be a part of it and work with such an amazing director and cast.
I shall be attempting to get my program signed by each cast member tonight, it's tradition for every play I am in.

I keep using the word each far too much today.
oops.

Love and Cupcakes
CupcakeFace
xoxo
[)o

So here we go again...

bloggetty blog blog

I shall surely be keeping upto date on the old blogginz from now on.
I get bored otherwise.
I have a horrifically busy time coming up ahead so I shall be blogging about it as much as possible. Although to be honest, I think I may bore you all. My life isn't all that exciting you see.

But regardless, one needs to blog in order to clear ones spaghetti brain.
So I shall.

Much love and cupcakes
xoxo
[)o

HAIKU!! Blessyou

i am cupcakeface
i have a spaghetti brain
you won't understand

i'm a little odd
i like things a certain way
but I am still nice

want to be friends yet?
want to play out and bake cakes?
i did not think so

but if you want to
try and understand me, then
i will adore you